Songs

Odd Man

I’m your Odd Man and I’ll never change, I’m your Odd Man and it’s strange.
I’m your Odd Man and it’s what it is, And isness is my biz.

Even if I tried to be – like you I’d still be me
Not that what you’re doing’s bad, It’s just that to be Odd I’m glad

To be Odd Man, and I’ll never change, I’m your Odd Man and I’m strange.
I’m your Odd Man and I can’t complain, but please, let me explain.

No use trying to tame my brain, Stayin’ On the strange, and Off the chain,
Like Batman is to Bruce Wayne, Me and Oddman are one and the same
ain’t my aim to be a household name, my claim-to-fame down the drain,
What a shame , No pain.
cuz I ain’t playin’ I ain’t playin that game

Break:
I don’t really care If I’m hip or square,
suave and debonaire, broke or billionaire
life ain’t always fair, I don’t really care
Earth Fire Water Air, I’ll go anywhere
I’m Your Odd Man… I’m your

Odd Man and I’ll never change,
I’m your Odd Man and I’m strange.
I’m your Odd Man it’s just how it is,
And isness is my biz.

V3 Even if I tried and tried , I can’t Hide whats deep inside
Five fingers on my hand, Five points on that pentagram
pentatonic, five note scale, Sight sound touch, feel and smell
Will this song groove or will it fail? Five beats only time will tell

Break:
I don’t really care If I’m hip or square,
suave and debonaire, broke or billionaire
life ain’t always fair, I don’t really care
Earth Fire Water Air, I’ll go anywhere
5 count
III’m Yoour Odd Man …5 count I’m your

Odd Man and I’ll never change, I’m your Odd Man and I’m strange.
I’m your Odd Man it is what it is, And isness is my biz.

Always new what I do, I’m your Odd Man, but we’re through.
Cuz Now five is quittin’ time, And I finally got this song off my mind

Welcome to the house of Doctor Von Weirdo

In the middle of what’s left of the forest primeval, A desperate sinister world, surreal and Sepulchral
Stored in a cool dark place in the Concrete Jungle, Flying supersonic Flight 420 through the Emerald Triangle

Out of the tragic-miasma-tsunami through the Garden of Eden, Comes a beatnik bongo, rock and roll Rumplestiltzkin
A freaked out, future shocked Frankenstein, rebel Rasputin, A grotesque guru from a lost coast leprechaun dungeon

A day-glo daddyo muthalode of invention, A Pariah messiah specter from another dimension
A fuzz tone twilight zone baritone superhuman, A genius savant with an uber-mensch ego delusion

A xenophobic Zarathustra Zorro with the voodoo vibration, A 6 River, Redwood, Robin Hood hallucination
a strobelight pre-Raphaelite crawling through the cosmic confusion A microphone mystic beyond the mask of illusion

The bastard of Charles Bukowski and Madame Blavatsky, A European cannon with the lemon colored Koolade of Kinski

Doctor Von Weirdo has a thin disguise, That hide behind the x-ray eyes
that see through the fog and expose the nut job, Babylon Beelzebub slobs that rob

Hey door knob would you rather see the Blob, Than hobnob with the Transylvanian heart throb?
Dr. Von Weirdo and his monster mob, The world bizarre the Danse Macabre
Swinging like a melted watch on a fob, Revvin’ like a hotrod stuck in a mud bog

Dr. Von Weirdo has a brand new song, We’ll play it loud we’ll play it strong
When you hear the words you can sing along, I’ll sing it four times so you don’t get it wrong
1234 hey hey hey MONDO BONGO
Yay,Yay, Yay Mondo Bongo

Fraught with the Blues

I’ve jolly well got the blues, Like a dull crumpet fork in the back

The blues is like a sticky wicket in a lengthy cricket match

I have the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

I daresay I’ll drown my troubles with a shandy or a glass of Pimm’s Cup

I’ve a loathesome case of the blues, Yes I’m feeling quite knackered up

I have the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

I’m bloody well smitten by the blues, dastardly blue, that shan’t be denied

Yet it’s crackers to slip a rozzer– the dropsy in snide

I have the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

Dash it all, I’ve got the blues like ruddy fury

Yes, I daresay I’m smitten with the blues, and I’m fraught with worry

Fraught with the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

Dastardly blues have got my knickers in a knot

It’s frightfully dreary, even for an impeccable twat

Fraught with the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

I’m tarnished by the blues, feeling anything but posh

This blues is like a nasty rumour that I can’t seem to quash

Fraught with the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

I shan’t avoid the blues it’s like an uninvited guest

who shows up with a bottle of sherry that’s mediocre at best.

I have the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

Mimsey blue are the borogroves, all throughout the Croft

I wish the sodding blues would chuffing bugger off

Fraught with the Blues Like Fury, I’m Frightfully Blue–

Freeway Turtle sung to “Free Bird”

If you’re driving down the freeway
In a hurry cuz ya gotta pee
And you get behind my, Buick 6 with a three on the tree
Driving five — under the limit, Blocking up the fast lane
Cuz I’m the Freeway Turtle, and this lane I’ll never change
Oh, oh, oh
And this lane I’ll never change,
And this lane I’ll never change

You can hug my rear bumper,
Blow your horn and flash your lights
Even though my turn signals blinkin’,
I won’t move to the right
Driving five under the limit, Blocking up the fast lane
Cuz I’m the Freeway Turtle, And this lane I’ll never change
Oh, oh, oh
And this lane I’ll never change, And this lane I’ll never change
Lord knows I can’t change, Lord knows I can’t change
Lord knows I can’t change. Drive on, Freeway Turtle, yeah

LOL

LOL

LOL, LOL, I’ll take my Little Old Lady over your young Jezebel
She may be an old one but she ain’t a cold one, I know she’s gonna treat me right
And now I’m Laughing out Loud because that Little Old Lady’s
Givin up a Lot of Love tonight

I went to the bar just the other night and all the Millenials were there
There were hipsters there were texters there were smart phone sexters but with the
ladies I was getting nowhere
I was givin the eye to miss Generation Y but I wonder why I even try
Once again, I left without a friend, and tired of being a lonely old guy

I went back the next night . . . to try to get it right
Generation X was lookin’ for sex but it seems I wasn’t in her sight
Victoria had a secret, butt, she didn’t want to share it with me
So I grabbed a six pack and went on home, with no company

SOS I was SOL, my night was sure going to hell
I was shit out of luck climbing into my truck no chance of ringin’ some cutie’s bell
The women wanted someone with no gray hair, suave and debonair,
So I found me a Little Old Lady for more than just a one-night affair

When out of the blue stepped a blue haired lady smiling and digging my style
She gave me a wink that got me starting to think, and man she had a beautiful smile
She was a sexagenarian, vegetarian from the hippie generation
And I knew right then, I was gonna win, this cougar’s admiration

LOL, LOL, I’ll take my Little Old Lady over your young Jezebel
She may be an old one but she ain’t a cold one, I know she’s gonna treat me right
And now I’m Laughing out Loud because that Little Old Lady’s
Givin’ up a Lot of Love tonight

Senior Blues
I’m sportin Walmart Creepers with a velcro tie
The price is right 19.95
They only come in one size… extra wide
But I got Dr Scholls pads on the inside

I’ll be wearing these shoes down at the wrinkle ranch
And I got suspenders holdin up my pants
I hope the band plays a waltz cause I’m ready to dance
being old ain’t my fault it’s just my circumstance

I may be dumb but I ain’t deaf
I’m trying to use what hearing I got left
So quit mumbling and talking under your breath
Or I’ll ignore you and keep reading Reader’s Digest

4 o’clock finally comes I hit the early bird,
Now it’s happy hour and I’m having my third
So bartender bring me another Rob Roy
I got a few brain cells left to destroy
Tuesdays I don’t pay the full amount
I get a five percent senior discount

My friend named Arthur left a present for me
It’s Arthur-itis and I got it in my knees
I got it in my hands, I got it in my fingers
I use the CBD but the pain still lingers

I can always tell when it’s about to rain
That’s when rheumatism calls my name
My hair looks just like Grandpa Munster
Feel like I just crawled out of a dumpster

But Oscar the Grouch has got nothing on me,
Cuz my role model is Phineas T.,
I’m talking ’bout Bluster from Howdy D,
Got a pain in me knee and I gotta pee

I’m like Dennis and Mr. Wilson rolled into one,
With the personality of Walter Brennan,
I don’t know Tupac from Biggie,
And my belly makes Santa Claus look like Twiggy,

Casino Bingo is my addiction
I get books at the library: Western Fiction
I got a backyard grow with a pretty good crop
I got a part time job as a flashlight cop

I do crossword puzzles and guzzle cheap Scotch,
And Wheel of Fortune is a show I watch,
I just forgot why I walked in the room
So I’ll just take a nap cuz it’s after noon

When I hit the hiway senior style
Turn signal on for the last three miles
In the fast lane going five under the limits
Your lights are too bright, Dim it, damn it, dim it!

I used to take acid Now I take Tums
Cause I got heartburn to the maximum
GERD backin up on me like a coupla Mack Trucks
Cause I got a case of Acid Reflux

I could tell you more about all my diseases
But you’d be waiting for my to shut up till hell freezes

It’s been a while since I was a sexagenarian
But this antiquarian ain’t ready for burying
I got a few things on my bucket list
That I can’t resist before I cease to exist

I worked my ass of for half a century
Managed to stay out of the penitentiary
I’m like Evil Kneivel—Death defying
I’m gonna live forever or die trying
So when the Grim Reaper comes to grab me by the hand
I’m gonna look him in the eye and say “Screw you, man!”

I could go on bustin’ these rhymes,
But like I said it’s just about nap time!